Children's Day

Well, for those of you who heard about the mouse in my house, he is gone now. I wish I could say that this city has one less mouse, but unfortunately I think I just scared him away. I can't complain really. I am just as happy or maybe more happy than I would have been to see his face early in the morning in my trap.

Tomorrow is Children's Day and I always get asked why we don't celebrate Children's Day in America. I am not sure why we don't celebrate it, but it is just a big play day here. The kids will go to school for half the day tomorrow and then every playground and mall in the country will be packed as parents go and spoil their children for a day of fun. I won't be among the crowd. Although I do love my children very much, I think they would much rather take a rain-check than to fight the crowds tomorrow.

This past year we and 2 other families formed a co-op and did our homeschooling together. It was great really. It kept us all accountable to get the work done, and it provided more of a classroom setting than we would have had just sitting at home. For the next school year, we decided to rent an apartment to share. The cost is not that much different than the room we were renting at the preschool, and it would allow our hours to be much more flexible. In total, there were 3 days spent looking for apartments. I went on day 1 and day 3. There are some really nice apartments in this city, and then there are some rat/roach infested ones as well. Today we found what just might be the most perfect apartment that you could find (in our price range). It is in a really nice community with a pool and a nice big field of grass. Believe it or not, I think our kids will be most excited about the grass---things we take for granted in the states, huh? I will post some pictures after the landlord cleans everything up. We have been truly blessed with this place. God is good!

Recently I have been leading a class for some of my friends on singleness. Being single and in your mid-to-late-20's is not something that is desirable here, but it seems that almost every girl I know is just that. So, I thought having a little class with some discussion might really be beneficial for them. It seems like that is where they need the most encouragement, so I ordered some books and we have been studying "Finding Mr. Right." Although I really did not expect it to be helpful for me, it really has been. I think I have learned a lot about myself. One of things that has been the most helpful was what I thought would be the most boring chapter--how to heal from a broken heart (or something like that).

The author spent some time talking about what people experience when they have a hard break-up, and he compared it with grieving the death of a loved one. This section has been the most helpful thing that I have read since losing our baby (other than hearing other people's experiences). His description of the stages of grief fit me to a T, and it was super encouraging. It was super encouraging because no one can really tell me if how I am feeling is normal, and no one I have talked to has really given me a clear time table on how long I might feel pain. I have heard people say all sorts of things from.....1. I got over it fairly quickly ......to the other extreme 2. it has been 20+ years and I am still sad about losing our baby at times. I guess the most important thing is that it is different for every person, and grief is very normal. Of course it can be unhealthy when we fail to give over to Him our worries/concerns/grief.

He listed 6 stages and then went to describe each one in detail. 1. Shock 2. Grief 3. Blame 4. Good-bye 5. Rebuilding 6. Resolution; These may sound pretty basic, but the descriptions he gave really provided insight to where I have come from and where I am now. If any of you are interested, I can send you my notes that outline what he said about each one. But basically, I just wanted to share with you the process and how it relates to me specifically (since we are all friends and family:) Keep in mind that these stages are actually written for those who have lost a boyfriend/girlfriend but also apply to those who have lost a loved one.

Shock--Eating and sleeping and doing the day to day activities are difficult. Friends and family are needed to help defeat the onset of loneliness. Feeling: dumbfounded and overwhelmed

Grief--There is a feeling that no one can possibly understand what I am going through. There are even episodes of anger. There are tendencies for obsessive thinking--listening to sad music, overplaying the situation in my head, wondering what could have been different, even having thoughts that it really never happened.

Blame--Wallowing in self-pity; There may be anger towards myself or other people who have let me down. There might also be unrealistic expectations put on myself or on other people. Not wanting to deal with my situation or my feelings.

Good-bye--Admit that it is really over and the person is gone forever. We must move on with our lives (not necessarily forgetting but moving on to the next chapter). Forgiving people. Beginning to desensitize places and locations that bring a lot of emotions.

Rebuilding and Resolution--It is possible to talk about the future with hope. You can feel detached from that person. New attachments may happen.

So I haven't quite made it through all the steps yet, but I am encouraged to see where I have been and where I am going now. I will get there. He also mentions it usually takes at least 2 years to recover after the loss of a loved one and 3 years if that loss was unexpected. I would have never expected that someone so small that I never held in my arms could have such a lasting impression on my heart. I would never have expected that 18 months later I would be sitting here still working my way through this process. And I imagine that many of you probably would never have guessed that either. I would never have expected so many tears shed or the scars that are clearly visible on my heart. But I just want to say that I am proud to be the mother of 3 gifts from Heaven, and I always love surprises. So, I can't wait to meet that sweet little surprise when we get to Heaven!